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"Cactus" Jack Slade (Kirk Douglas) is the meanest bad man in the west, or so he thinks. When a bank robbery goes awry, he lands in jail facing a hangmans noose. When the corrupt owner of the bank offers him a job, Jack sees a chance to stay alive and get rich in the process. All he has to do is steal a strongbox full of money the banker lent to Mr. Parody Jones (Strother Martin) who needs it to keep his mining operation going. If he defaults on the loan, our "friendly" banker takes over the mine. Ms. Charming Jones (Ann-Margret) comes to town to collect the money and take it back to her father, Parody. To ensure the money makes it back home, Parody has called in a favor from a man who owes him a life debt. Enter Handsome Stranger (Arnold Schwarzenegger). The toughest and strongest hero in the west. As tough as a steel plate but, unfortunately, just as dense. As Charming and Handsome set off on their journey, Jack sets out after them. Using his trusty "Bad Men Of The West" handbook, Jack sets one trap after another only to have each one go awry in true Wile E. Coyote versus The Roadrunner fashion. With Looney Tunes-style sight gags in almost every scene, this movie will have you and your whole family laughing up a storm.
Charming Jones has to make it from the train station to her ancestral homestead to collect her inheritance. Handsome Stranger acts as her escort and bodyguard. "Cactus" Jack Slade has been hired to stop them both.
Kirk Douglas
Cactus Jack
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Handsome Stranger
Ann-Margret
Charming Jones
Paul Lynde
Nervous Elk
Foster Brooks
Bank Clerk
Ruth Buzzi
Damsel in Distress
Jack Elam
Avery Simpson
Strother Martin
Parody Jones
Robert Tessier
Mashing Finger
Mel Tillis
Telegraph Agent
Laura Lizer Sommers
Working Girl
Ray Bickel
Man
Jan Eddy
Sheriff
Mel Todd
Conductor
Jim Anderson
Bartender
Ed Little
Little Man in Bar
Dick Dickinson
Man in Bar
Richard Brewer
Man in Bar
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